He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
