there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
