Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
