I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had to cum in my sink.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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