after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
