just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
