She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
