It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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