we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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