he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize