i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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