I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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