We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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