idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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