i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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