No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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