I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
