My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dignity is for republicans.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
