we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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