one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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