Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
