when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
