She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love having hate sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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