I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
