the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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