i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
