I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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