Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
