I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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