Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
