I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
