I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize