time to smoke my breakfast
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
