Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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