He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In other news, I just burned my penis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
