If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
