you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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