So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize