I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
