Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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