The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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