The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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