i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
