Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
