UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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