that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
