Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
