I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
