I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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