We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
