was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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