Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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