i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Terrible idea I love it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
