So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
