I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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