well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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