I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
