Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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