i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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