accomplished twins. life is a go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
