She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was like eating out sand paper
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
