I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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