I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize