I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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