Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
