Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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