I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
