Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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