Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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